Giving Her Back
8:22 AM Tuesday, February 23, 2010Not entirely sure that this is ready to be shared with the world, but I have enjoyed some of the calls and emails on my other stories that have not only given me insight on how to improve, but also given my ego a big boost. So here is my latest flash fiction story.
NOTE TO READER: This story has undergone major changes in the following weeks. For publication reasons, I will not be reposting it at this time, but here is the original (first draft) introductory paragraph.
Giving Her Back
The time has come. He knows it as he feels the momentum of the vehicle coming to a stop. He sits in the back of the black limousine, dressed in his finest. He looks like a million bucks, but feels more like 20 cents. Grateful that the windows of this limo are tinted a purplish hue, he dreads the moment he has to step out into the bright mid morning sun.
Ok, one thing you should clarify:"In spite of being 15 years older, she was his dream."You may want to change this to, "In spite of her being 15 years older"... Or, "In spite of the fact that she was 15 years older"... I thought HE was 15 years older than SHE was, until I read later in the story that her kids were close to his same age...
Shaunna Gage April 22, 2010 at 8:11 AM
I love this story, Jules!! I just want to give this guy a BIG HUG!! If he were real, you could set me up!!Shaunna : )
Shaunna Gage April 22, 2010 at 8:14 AM
Thanks for your insight. I am now into about the 200th edit of this story and it has changed a lot since I put it up here. I will send you a copy when I am done since I may not post it if I actually decide to market it somewhere. I will definitely want you to read it again before I do!
Julie April 22, 2010 at 6:41 PM
I would love to read it again and see how the story has progressed...I hope he is still a sweetie!! I just wanna give him a hug!!SCG
Shaunna Gage April 23, 2010 at 7:32 AM